A Depressing December

Unfortunately, 2014’s holiday period didn’t go as I had expected. The events of the month eventually culminated, causing me to be the most unhappy I’ve been in two years (since my last job went south and I was left a broken man).

The beginning of the month wasn’t all that bad. I’d been to Motorcycle Live 2014 at the NEC the previous week, which had left me in a really positive mood. I managed to grab a couple of really nice t-shirts, both of which fitted me! I’d also been given a bonus from work, which was initially a nice addition to the money I’d been spending on gifts. Unfortunately, my first struggle was justifying spending one or two hundred pounds on gifts, when I was still in debt with several different companies. I’m not crippled, but it’s enough to make me lose some sleep. I decided to scrap the gifts, and pile all my bonus onto my credit card, which I was quite pleased with. I still needed to break the news to the family, but I assumed I would do that at a later time. I decided to increase my credit limit while I had money on my mind, to get ready to pay off another loan in the new year, this made me a little better as I felt prepared and secure.

Slowly but surely, things got worse from here. My motorcycle was sick, and had been for five months (waiting on a new part), so it was taking me thirty minutes to even get it warm enough to ride, which was causing me an unbelievable amount of stress (going to the gym for an hour actually turned into two). It was getting colder and I was freezing my ass off more than what should’ve been necessary. About half-way through the month, I was cold & drained. I decided to tell my parents that I wouldn’t be buying any gifts this year, which left me feeling guilty and horrid. The Thursday before Christmas, my bike decided to break completely, and had to be taken away for repair. My only method of transport to my family for Christmas had been taken away and I didn’t know if I’d get it back before the holidays (I didn’t). My Dad came to get me for Christmas, which put more guilt on my head for making him drive up on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning, my mom came and picked me up from my Dad’s to go to my Nan’s, which made me feel even more guilty, as my step-dad thought I’d broken my bike on purpose just so I could get run around everywhere (imagine how that made me feel).

When Christmas was over, my Dad dropped me back off at home, and I was alone again. Happy days! I could sit in front of my computer, and count the days until I could get my bike back and restore my independence. The week between Christmas and the new year went by quickly, as there was little to do at the office, but unfortunately at £8 each way, the price to do nothing was high. Most of the money I’d received for Christmas was used up at this point.

It was now the new year, and I decided to start by paying off my loan. I phoned the company with good anticipation, until the following phrase shattered all my good will, “I’m sorry, we don’t accept that type of credit card.” – I was nearly at the point of total meltdown. No bike, no money, no self-respect, no confidence, and now I had no way to pay my loan before its due-date. I was done. Oh, and then i came down in a horrendous case of the flu (which I still have). I curled up into a ball, and slept for what seemed like a whole day. It had taken me two years to gain back the parts of myself I’d lost, and it was gradually being taken away again.

Now it’s the 6th of January, and my Dad and I managed to resolve the money situation, I have my bike back, and I’m picking myself back up one piece at a time. I’ve always been amazed at how quickly my mind can deteriorate when I’m feeling depressed, but I always seem to pull through in the end. Let’s hope January will be a better month :)